Traditional Rugby Songs

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The Tradition

There are literally thousands of rugby songs. Traditionally, you’d sing these songs in a bar after practices or during the Third Half. A team will usually adopt (or adapt) three or four songs they expect all their players to know.

Rugby songs are not for the politically correct. They are characteristically base, ribald and juvenile. And you’ll love every minute of singing them.

You might have some questions about some odd behavior that occur when we sing these songs:

Everyone seems to be forming a circle...
Yep, that usually happens at when someone gets the songs started.

He's holding his cup/beer bottle to his head...
He's asking for his turn. Most rugby songs have many verses. He's holding that cup to his head to signify that he wants to sing the next verse.

They all seem to be pointing to the guy with the beer on this head with their elbows...
Even after you put that cup to your head, it's not a given that you get to pick the next verse. Everyone in the circle will point to you with their elbows to tell you that yes, you are the leader.

The Songs

Here are some popular rugby songs sung by Fog Rugby:

If I Were the Marrying Kind (a.k.a, The Rugby Song)

(This song is a classic and required knowledge by every rugger. Practically every team sings it, usually tweaking it to fit the team’s personality. Obviously not every verse is sung, because the song would be way too long, but we wanted to give you an idea of the variations. )

I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....

(team points to the hooker. Hooker puts beer on top of head)
HOOKER: Hooker sir!

GROUP: Why sir?

HOOKER:
'cause I'd swipe balls, and you'd swipe balls
we'd all swipe balls together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
swiping balls together

GROUP:
If I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I'm not, sir
the kind of rugger I would wed
would be a rugby .....

(team points to the props. Props put beer on head)
PROPS: Prop sir!

GROUP: Why sir?

PROPS:
'cause I'd support a hooker
and you'd support a hooker
we'd all support a hooker together
we'd be alright in the middle of the night
supporting hookers together

Other verses:
2nd Row : grab Crotch, sniff Butt
Flanker: get off quick
No. 8: hold until you come
Scrumhalf: put it in, grab balls
Flyhalf: whip it out, call shots
Centers: look for the hole, pass out
Wing: go hard, never get it, come too fast, spread it wide
Fullback: kick balls, get fucked, find touch
Any Forward: get stripped
Any Back: get laid
Scrum: go down
Rule Book: get violated
Shorts: go up your butt
Halftime Orange: get sucked
Mouthguard: get licked, get sucked
Spectator: get to watch
Spectator on a rainy day: come in rubber, be wet
Spectator on a sunny day: come again
Goal Posts: get split, stand erect
Cleats: get screwed
Groundskeeper: trim bush, do lines
Whistle: get blown
Boot:: come in boxes, get tied up
Ball: strapped in leather, get touched, get pumped
Pitch: grow weed, be hard
Team from far away: come for hours
Team on a bus: get off
Drunk Team: get fucked up

I Used To Work In Chicago

(Everyone sings words in capital letters. Tune is similar to "For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow"; the underlined word are the words that change from verse to verse.)

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE

A young man came in for some paper
SOME PAPER
FROM THE STORE?
Paper
he wanted, a ream
he got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO AT AN OLD DEPARTMENT STORE,
I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE

A young man came in for some jewelry

SOME JEWELRY
FROM THE STORE?
Jewelry
he wanted, a pearl necklace
he got
I DON'T WORK THERE ANYMORE!

And similarly:
Carpet he wanted, shag he got
Ruler he wanted, my 12 inches he got
Nail he wanted, screw he got
Fishing rod he wanted, my pole he got
Meat he wanted, sausage he got
Beef he wanted, porked he got
Coffee he wanted, my cream he got
Helicopter he wanted, my chopper he got
Camel he wanted, hump he got
Stamps he wanted, licked he got
Fuck he wanted, fucked he got

Jesus Can't Play Rugby

(sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" a.k.a. "Glory, Glory Hallelujah")

Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause his dad'll fix the game
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal head gear,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Free Beer for all the ruggers,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Other verses:
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's only got twelve men
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he can't support a hooker
Jesus can't play touch judge 'cause his arms point both ways
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's nailed to the cross
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got holes in his feet
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got some open wounds
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause he's got illegal toe cleats
Jesus can't play Rugby 'cause the ball goes through his hands

Last verse:
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus we're only kidding,
Jesus saves Jesus saves Jesus sa-ves.

Dough -- A Thing I Buy Beer With

(To the tune of "Doe a deer" from The Sound of Music Music.)

Dough a Thing I Buy Beer With
Ray a guy who buys me beer
Me, a guy I buy beer for
Fa, a long way to the bar
So, I think I'll have a beer
La, la la la la la la
Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer
that brings us back to dough oh oh oh ....

Jonestown

(A favorite of the coach. Sung to the tune of "Downtown.")

When your down and your broke, and your religion's a joke
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones
When your life's incomplete, there's only one man to meet
Why don't you go and see
Jim Jones

Refrain
Watch him mix the Cool aid in the vat so lethal
Listen to the anguished cries of all the dying people
Everyone dies.

The rev's the most gracious host
So, lift up your glasses, the ultimate toast
(So, lift up you glasses, the durge of the masses)
Your in Jonestown
Drink with the reverend Jim
Jonestown
Chances are mighty slim
Jonestown
People are dropping like flies.

Congressman Ryan, on a mission of spyin'
Would not drink with
Jim Jones
Such a public disgrace, they had to blow off his face
'Cause he would not drink with
Jim Jones

Refrain

First you cough and you wheeze, then you drop to your kness
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jones
You arrive back in the States, decomposed in your crates
From drinking Cool aid with
Jim Jone

Refrain

Jonestown, Jonestown (repeat in diminuendo)

Yogi Bear

(Sung to the tune of "Camptown Races")

I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, YOGI,
I know a bear that you all know,
Yogi, Yogi Bear.

YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR,
I KNOW A BEAR THAT YOU ALL KNOW,
YOGI, YOGI BEAR.

Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, BOOBOO,
Yogi's got a little "friend,"
Booboo, Booboo Bear

BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR,
YOGI'S GOT A LITTLE "FRIEND,"
BOOBOO, BOOBOO BEAR.

And similarly:
Yogi's got a "girlfriend,"
Suzi, SUZI
Suzi, Suzi Bear.

Yogi's got an enemy, Ranger, RANGER
Ranger, Ranger Smith

Yogi's got a cheesy knob, cammum, CAMMUM
Cammum, Camembert.

Booboo likes it on the fridge, polar, POLAR
Polar, polar bear.

Yogi hates it up the ass, something, SOMETHING
Something he can't bear.

Yogi's dick is long and green, cucum, CUCUM
Cucum, cucumber.

Yogi likes to shave his pubes, grizzly, GRIZZLY
Grizzly, grizzly bare.

Booboo’s boyfriend has no teeth, gummy, GUMMY
Gummy, gummy bear

Yogi likes a good beer bust, Lone Star, LONE STAR
Lone Star, Lone Star Bear

Shoot the Boot song

Another common rugby tradition is "shoot the boot." This is a rugby tradition that often takes place after a rugger’s first try. Traditionally, the player, to celebrate his first try score, must drink beer from the largest and dirtiest shoe on the team. In practice, you usually just get to chug a pint. This also happens if you're a soloist and you mess up the lines of the song you are singing.

When you "shoot the boot," the crowd sings these lines:

Why were you born so beautiful
Why were you born at all
You're no fucking use to anyone
You're no fucking use at all

You should be publicly pissed on,
You should be publicly shot (bang, bang),
You should be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot.
So, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK, DRINK… (chant lasts until he finishes)

Did we mention one of our locks is 6’7" and has a size 15 boot?